There is a light that never goes out.

Whatever happens. Whatever

what is is is what

I want. Only that. But that.



Because it's Christmas time.

Boo hoo comics.

Only at Christmas time.
Everything lost will find.


The swans like ghosts on the jet black water.

We did our last performance of Nutcracker about four hours ago.

Earlier today, a couple of us discussed what Hell would be like; and it would be performing the Nutcracker, two times a day, everyday, for all of eternity. Same roles every time, and the ribbons on our pointe shoes would be made of thorns.

Regardless, I still get sad when we complete a tour.

(I cannot find myself).


We wanted to make the best for the most for the least.

Long drives to small towns.

Cold sweats in obsolete patterns.

New discoveries.

A slam by Mindpower Mikko.




Making moves.

first shows of nutcracker this weekend.
last day of classes, monday.
tons of art to do.

drink of

quote of the day:

n e ways…s000 stressed. Need 2 find some adderall, but the city is dry. Might try 2 make a cocktail of 5Hour Energy, Sparks, Red Bull, Rock Star Energy Drink, Vitamin Water, Pepsi Max, OneADay multivitamin, blow, CLIF Bars, Power Bars, and Chewy Granola Bars, and see if that gives me the ‘edge’ I need 2 ace my Psychology 101 course. S00 stressed.



On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.

Friends Thanksgiving Eve.

At this moment, I am thankful for:

good friends
harvey birdman
orange juice

What are you thankful for?


I can show you what you need to see.

There are fires to be suffered,
the blaze of cruelty, the smoulder
of inextinguishable longing, even
the gentle candleflame of peace
that burns too.

I suffer them. I survive.


Just because it is doesn't mean it has to be.

Through the eyes of my soon to be obsolete phone.

(click to enlarge).


It is what you have learned that matters.

Painting class.

An adaptation of one of 45rpm's canvas work. (Mixed media). Click to enlarge.

“I hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life.”



Happiness comes easy, easiness is hard.

My mother supports every decision I make.


What starts sweet ends bitter.

And I intend to keep them.


People fear what they do not understand.

I just barely stopped myself from posting a blog in which I ramble about intolerance. It is even more apparent now with the election of a black president and the passing of Prop 8 in California.

But then I decided that Carles sums up my opinion best:

In the future, we will all fuck one another, no matter what type of hole we have.  We will not ‘make love’ to people/genders–we will make love to souls.


Hopefully you're stretching out your arms.

Not many things are better than meeting with some of your best friends, last minute, at the finest coffee house in town.

Especially when one of the conversations begins with, "Satan tried to lure us into the woods in New Jersey."

It's election day. How exciting.


The space between us.

Pinkberry is a franchise of upscale frozen dessert restaurants headquartered in Los Angeles, California. The tart, frozen dessert has a groupie-like following who sometimes refer to it as "Crackberry." I try to get Pinkberry fro yo every time I visit California. This last weekend, we ate Pinkberry twice within the 42 hours we were in LA. I definitely recommend trying it if you are near one of the stores.

This election is going to be historic. Play your part and vote.

I recognize that I am strange.
But occasionally I find even myself overwhelmed.


Defying expectations.

I keep my camera in a mitten in my purse at all times, because you never know when something awesome is going to happen. Since I do this, I get hassled quite frequently for photos. So, check out my flickr for random/crazy/stupid/unbelievable nonsense that is my reality.

(I just started uploading a couple days ago, so there are not that many yet).


I will swallow your sadness and eat your cold clay.

Joanna Newsom is a twenty-something American harpist, pianist, and singer-songwriter from Nevada City, California. I saw her live the other night at the University. She played to show her support for our upcoming president, fingers crossed, Barack Obama. She is so beautiful and gifted, which puts me in awe, but also makes me feel pretty worthless at the same time.

Stating that, I will just continue on the ridiculous route until I find something worth dying for.
Or more appropriately "worth living for."


How could I have been such a fiddling faddling fool?

(Excuse the string of 'f' words).

Maybe if I had gotten broken up with over my favorite kind of cake, I could look back and laugh about the irony of my last relationship.


Trying to shake away this disease.

I am in desperate need of a getaway. See you soon.

It's never real.


Black and White Ball.

"The Reno Dance Company returned for an amazing set of world-class dancing..."

Every year, the dance company I am involved with is the entertainment for the Black and White Ball of Northern Nevada. The Gala entails a formal night of entertainment, empowerment, and charity benefiting regional HIV AIDS charities.

Mikko and some of the other boys performed to the the infamous YMCA song.

Shake your groove thang.

She's a super freak.


Bad Photography.

Can be extremely awesome. Especially if it is intentional. Like this next picture, which was taken at the 2007 Turkey Party. I asked the girls to look candid and the cameraman to photograph mostly dead space.

Last spring I went to the Caesars Forum in Las Vegas with a couple friends. We asked two older women to take a picture of us in front of the fountain and this was the outcome:

Examples of bad photography; poor lighting, unsuitable background, too much dead space, cutting off heads, flash reflection, putting your finger over the lens and/or flash, etc. Depending on experience and preference of an individual, this list could go on forever. And don't get me wrong, I am no expert. I am merely a shutterbug. But I do enjoy a great bad photograph every once in a while.


Real men drive bright green VDubs?

I just painted my bike last week and oddly enough today I saw a Jetta the color my bike used to be, which is pretty outlandish. So, I got really excited and was the creep in the car taking a picture. The best part was though, when the lanes merged and the VW got behind me, I noticed that the windshield wipers were white! How crazy is that?


Things I miss, part three (emphasis edition).

Weekends in the city.

My favorite store.

Last minute decisions to get out of town.

The Berkeley bart station.

Sticks and stones are hard on bones,
Aimed with angry art.
Words can sting like anything,
But silence breaks the heart.


The Abortion.

I started bartending about two months ago. I am really enjoying it and surprisingly I drink a lot less now. Which is definitely a plus for dance, school, and my physical and mental health. A couple weeks ago I was taught how to make the "abortion" shot, also known as the "brain hemorrhage." It is peach schnapps, baileys, and a splash of grenadine. I didn't personally drink the one I made, but I was told it tastes just as bad as it looks.


Don't forget to eat your fruits and vegetables.

This was the very first thing I did in Photoshop. Well, besides all the yearbook nonsense I did in high school. I don't really feel like that counts though, it was just busy work and I never got to explore.


Act One.

Of course the year when I am finally not Mrs. Stahlbaum, we get all new dresses for the party scene of Nutcracker.

They will all be hand made by Christopher, the director's assistant and fellow dancer.

Old family costumes.