On a night like this.

Feeling a sudden wave of vacancy go over me,
like a hotel being abandoned by it's guests
for an obvious reason.


Brautigan.

Cracking nuts.

It is that time of year guys.
The super glue and tape
are handy.









This is almost definitely
my last Nutcracker
with the Reno Dance Company.
If you are interested in seeing the show,
please let me know through a comment,
e-mail, instant message, text message,
phone call, letter, note in a bottle,
or maybe some "real life" conversation.

Growing older, but not growing up.

Signed my "petition for graduation" papers
a couple days ago.
One page asked what my plans are
for after graduation.






Fuck.



(the video: loop like crazy).

You can never overdress.

I have dreams.
And we edge closer
to them.

Sudden and striking.

To you,

I am seasonal.

Just like when
the rain drops
and the leaves fall.





So dramatic and refreshing,
but soon enough
you get weary
and want the snow.

Say what you will.

For such are false apostles.

I used to nanny for a lawyer in town.
One of the two children was named Raven.
At the age of six, she held her puppy underwater.





She recently made this for her father.
I need not explain any further
why I no longer care for his children.



(Maybe with the exception that
I dreamt she chased her sister and I
with a chainsaw).

Still light.

How can I tell
when I am succeeding
compared to
when I am failing
if I do not even know
the difference
anymore?







Will I always feel
conflicted?


Will you?

Ruin and beauty.

Nothing feels real.
But everything is so real


      I can barely
      stand it.







They say the body accepts any kind of sorrow,
that our ancestors lay down on their stomachs
in school hallways, as children they lay down
like matches waiting for a nuclear fire.


Young.

Don’t confuse what I say with honesty.

You said to me, "it's a long,
lonely ride sometimes."

I thought, "for who?"







Or maybe
you were just referring to
the ferry ride.

People like us.

There are more like us. All over the world
There are confused people, who can't remember
The name of their dog when they wake up, and people
Who love God but can't remember where

He was when they went to sleep. It's
All right. The world cleanses itself this way.
A wrong number occurs to you in the middle
Of the night, you dial it, it rings just in time

To save the house. And the second-story man
Gets the wrong address, where the insomniac lives,
And he's lonely , and they talk, and the thief
Goes back to college. Even in graduate school,

You can wander into the wrong classroom,
And hear great poems lovingly spoken
By the wrong professor. And you find your soul
And greatness has a defender, and even in death you're safe.


Bly.







Requiescat
in pace.

Let's minus today.

It is one of those,
where everything
is just

not good.







My Bible as Literature teacher asked me
what I needed
to make my day
better,

and I said

"a hot dog
wrapped
in bacon."

Negative space.

You are dreamt of
every night.
And when I hear certain songs
I imagine
you singing them.

Dancing to the wrong theme song.

Few and far between
I persuade myself into thinking
this is what I want
and then realize
it is entirely the opposite
of what I want.





Then I am indifferent for a while
and may be sad for a moment.


But,
I will always continue to party.

Thoughts are flooding.

I fear that some
do not know
how to speak
any longer.